Adventures in Online Dating 5

current mood: awake

Date 3: The "Logan Look Alike" didn't actually look like Logan… in person he was waaaay shorter/smaller than Logan, and though he was cute in his own right, had different teeth and a different kind of pudgeyness in his face.  He did nothing weird on the date, which takes him to my 1 spot.  He was a perfect gentleman, and even let me play with his iphone and the hacker game he had on it that was motion sensitive.  It was not a game to play while intoxicated, but I had a lot of fun.  He told me his last girlfriend was bipolar, so I thought "Hey anything I do will seem miniscule in comparison to his past." Score!  But he didn't call me, so I don't know what that says about me. Even with that fact, I didn't really think about him after the date which makes me think I either didn't know enough about him to be interested enough or I wasn't really interested in him either.  We met at the Saloon in Laguna, walked around a bit, then hit the White House for another.  The date was fairly long, about 5 hours, and then headed home with a hug. I think we could've been friends and played Rock Band together in another life.   

Date 4: "Bong" was also a really nice guy.  Our first date was at Opah in Aliso Viejo.  He began the date by arriving with a sunflower to give me, which was incredibly sweet and scored mega points in my book.  We had a good date, however I noticed a few red flags.  He kept doing things that made me feel, he was a bit self-conscious about himself, such as obsessing about the lint on his shirt and having trouble eating because the sandwich was messy and he didn't want to seem like a pig.  I placed my order without chicken, and he then ordered an entre with chicken, and then scrambled, "Oh I probably shouldn't have ordered the chicken huh?" I said, "Well, I really don't like chicken, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it."  I felt he was tap-dancing a little bit, trying to make me feel comfortable, which is very sweet and polite. Nerves maybe or maybe he wasn't comfortable in his own skin.  I really value when people have a strong sense of self and know who they are, and what they want.

We had something in common, though.  We had both been married and divorced before.  I tend to like this scenario because there are some things that are very hard to really internally understand without experience, and marriage and divorce is one of them.  Before I was in it, I had such naive ideas about commitment and that you could just put your mind to it and choose to stick it out. But, on a positive note, marriage and divorce teaches a HUGE life-lesson that would otherwise be missed for any person going through it.  I like people who get that and have come to similar realizations about relationships and life-lasting love that I have undergone. And that what helps you through the hard times is being as sure as possible before you jump. Preplanning and listening to your heart. Even so, you might get hurt if someone else doesn't check their heart enough.  There is no fail-proof guarantee. Just openness and faith and forgiveness if it doesn't work out.

I asked about his ex-wife, what she was like, just wondering out of curiosity and making conversation.  This opened a book about who she was, her past career choices, and changes over the course of their relationship, and I began to think to myself, "I don't think he is over his ex." He talked about her quite endearingly, despite the fact that she left him and he is not quite sure whether she was faithful toward the end, as she began hanging with her current boyfriend while they were still together.   He had really good teeth, and I found him attractive and quirky.  And he was nice enough to walk me to my car from the restaurant.

Date 5: So I went out with "Bong" again. I guess I should explain why I call him "Bong." I happened to ask him his last name at one point. He got angrily embarrassed and explained that he hates his last name because it has such a negative connotation. He actually stirred it up so much I started to think it was Shitsloggin or something. But in fact it was just "Bong." I can see why he wouldn't like it, but I can see many other friends who would have loved to have that last name, haha. 

Anyway, I wasn't really excited about him, but I felt that even if friendship was all I got out of it, he seemed like someone worth being friends with, and at least someone I could enjoy hangin with and complaining about our exs together with in loneliness =) hee hee.  So we went on date 2, which involved walking his adorable mutt "Moxy," grabbing some tacos, and then sharing favorite comedians with each other via you tube.  I got to check out his condo, in which I found some items that were definitely not taken down since his ex lived there with him, 2 years ago. Hmmm, interesting. I took the Texas-pride pin off the bulletin board and encouraged him to throw it out, but he took it from me and placed it in a pencil cup on the desk.  

We had a few to drink, and "Bong" became more and more affectionate, resting his stubbly face on my shoulder.  I was pretty sure at this point that his more passive traits would be a problem for me in the long run, but I still found his face and his quirkyness and company quite attractive.  It could have gone many ways at this point, UNTIL… all of a sudden while watching tv, with one arm around my shoulders, his other arm scooped up under my knees and he said, "Can I hold you like a baby?" I was definitely thrown off by this weird comment. I said, "Why do you want to hold me like a baby?" to which he replied, "'Cause, you're my baby."  I was pretty freaked out by the baby comment,  He was a sweet person to the core, despite the weird comment, and I'm really glad I met him and hope he gained something from me, maybe encouragement and confidence to keep looking and putting himself out there. We didn't really hang out after that. I reached out a few times as a friend, but he seemed to only be looking for the "one," not really interested in seeing me as friends. 

Adventures in Online Dating 4

Current mood:fascinated

Alright, so I guess you may be wondering about my actual dates =)

The first person I ever talked to on Match "IM," instant messenger… was a guy in a pink shirt.  We can call him "pink shirt guy." I, of course, couldn't resist on commenting about the pink shirt, even though I liked it.  I like to give guys a hard time for wearing pink shirts, but I really respect and like any guy that can successfully pull that off.  And his response was, " Yeah, I've been getting a lot of slack about that. I'm colorblind and I actually thought it was green."  Well that's not so funny to poke fun at. So I try to change the subject and say, "I guess you could never be a pilot, eh?"  And the guy goes, "Well actually… the tests are kind of difficult to pass but I'm trying to get my license."  I went, "Get your license in what?  Don't say flying." Silence... "Flying."  OKAY, SO I JUST LAUGHED AT YOU FOR BEING COLORBLIND AND THEN FURHTER RUB IT IN THAT YOU'LL NEVER REACH YOUR DREAMS.  I was off to a great start. Match IM then kicked him off (as it tends to do) and I thought I had offended him completely.  But, I hadn't. He became my match date 1.

DATE 1:   We met at Las Brisas in Laguna Beach for margaritas.  I didn't know quite what to expect because people sometimes look so different in person.  A couple times I saw a dark haired man walk in and thought, "Oh no, please don't be him."  When he arrived he was actually pretty cute in person, well dressed, and he paid for all my drinks.  I would say he was a perfect gentleman except that after the 4^th or 5^th drink he became a little too comfortable and told me about his sexual fetishes, shiny and tight outfits.  He then asked me mine and I said I wasn't sure if I had any, and maybe I'd give it some thought. Despite that, in review of the whole date he wasn't really a creep.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt that this was just a really dumb, drunk, guy moment… to forget it is probably not an appropriate thing to bring up sexual fetishes on a first date.  The other weird thing was that toward the middle of the date, he asked me how funny I thought he was on a scale from 1-10.  And then when I answered honestly (you all know who you're dealing with here, but he didn't), he became hurt and sad.  I thought a 6 was generous, seeing as he was very nice but not really funny.  I tried to make him feel better about it by saying, "6 is 1 above average.  Isn't that pretty good?  I have a lot of friends that have me crying they are so funny, and so far I haven't had any tears, and you never give someone a 10 cause you gotta leave room for someone who might be funnier, so if they are 8s and 9s." He responded with, "I thought I'd at least be a 7."  WOW.  Then he asked how he was doing on the date altogether, and I said I was enjoying myself, and he asked for the scale again, and so I said 7 or 8.   We walked the beach and hit up BJ's for a Pizookie to sober up, then hugged, and went our separate ways. 

A few days later "pink shirt guy" texted me "hello," so I sent a "hi, what's up?" to which he that because it was so not responded with, "the moon." I didn't even know how to respond to it. It was pretty awful. So I didn't say anything. He followed it with "I'm trying to work my way up to an 8."  With that?!!  Hahahah… now that's funny. ;)

You can guess my interest from there. 

DATE 2:  New guy. I decided to get to know this guy a little better on the internet before meeting up. We finally decided to meet at Boomers because he said, "Let's be 14, and meet at Boomers." And I thought, "Just my style."  I'd had numerous "IM" conversations with him (in which for some reason everything he wrote sounded patterned as if it were part of a speech, and so I started to hear him in a JFK voice).  He was really random and pretty quick-witted and sometimes a bit of an asshole, which I like, so I was actually more excited for this one.  I got ready, wore something cute, and did my make-up.  Now please keep in mind that I have a really hard time making fun of this guy, because he was really nice, so I'm just going to report the facts.  He showed up and I realized then that he had lied to me, because I had asked if he didn't have any pictures smiling because he had bad teeth and he said no, at least he didn't think they were bad. 

Rule 1: Profiles to be leary of are any in which there are no pictures of that person smiling with their TEEF, where they are too far away, in the shadows, or if the majority of their pictures show them wearing sunglasses.  In most cases, ladies, there is probably something to hide.

Unfortunately for him, I have a teeth fetish, and so this was a real problem off the bat.  Chemistry waned in those first few seconds.  Then I looked down to notice his flip-flops, but it wasn't the flip-flops I noticed.  They were what my sister would term "demon feet", where the nails have grown long for a guy and are yellowish in color.  So let's just say, I wasn't very attracted to his physical appearance, but of course I wanted to be polite and finish the date.  Though appearance is NOT everything, and certainly NOT the most important thing in a relationship, I think it is a necessary piece of the puzzle to be attracted to your partner's looks.  

One thing I learned on the date was that over the years my mini-golfing strategy has been all wrong.  Usually when I go mini-golfing, I am pretty competitive, as is my nature. I concentrate on the game, take my time to aim, and most of the time I lose.  But when your main concern is playing as fast as you can, you apparently start to win.  I've been trying  too hard all these years, focusing too deep, again much to my nature. 

So as we continued to play, I found my date on a couple occasions backing into the bushes.  I would hear rustling and then an "Ow!" and would turn to see one foot back in the shrubbery.  Next, I heard him slapping himself, and turned to see that flies were circling around his face, which had some problem areas. We finished the game, and I realized it had only been about 20 minutes.  :( 

That's when he asked if I wanted to grab dinner, and I figured the least I could do was be a pleasant date and share his company for a while.  So, we grabbed dinner at CPK, and he was a gentleman and paid for my meal.  I then told him I had to work on a group project for school, which wasn't in the least bit a lie, but was a good reason to not continue the date any further.  He walked me to my car, and I said thank you and that I had a good time.  We didn't hug; I just rushed off.  I felt bad we didn't have a good connection because I had spent time getting to know him and now a sudden break felt strange. 

Rule 2: People who are good at being quick-witted online, may just be really good at relating to computers. Meet first to see if there is any spark, then get to know them. 

Rule 3: As a guy, you should always pay on a date.  This is just my personal opinion. It makes a girl feel special and shows that you value her time and company, AND it puts you in the driver's seat.  If you want to promote yourself as a confident leader, generosity is a great way to show that your choices and leadership are gracious and giving in nature, and that you wish to take care of her.  As a girl, you should always offer to pay and be willing to follow-through.  It is always polite, and even better if every once in a while you insist that you pay the whole bill or at least your own part.  This shows that you appreciate his sacrifices and do not want to become over-burdensome, or a gold digger, but wish to help out even when it's not expected.  If a guy takes advantage of this time and time again, it only reflects badly on his character. If a guy doesn't have much money, I think it is only right for the girl to pitch in for her part of the meal, if you start dating each other quite frequently 'cause that's a lot of meals ladies(in all reality being close means sharing burdens, and paying is a burden.  If he is willing to give when he has it, the least you can do is respond to that with your own generosity when he doesn't ).  So far so good, both dates paid.

Adventures in Online Dating 3

Current mood:sassy

Couldn’t resist adding a few more.  Okay, so I never realized how entertaining this would actually be, but I think I found a new hobby.  Here are some new pictures... I couldn't resist, they were so amazingly FANTASTIC.

GOTTA LOVE PROPS!

I also wanted to post excerpts from some of my favorite profiles I have come across so far.  Pay special attention to the bolded areas:

"But truly, I would say I am looking for someone better than myself. I know I'm flawed... I'm not looking for perfection, far from it... just better than me.  So that perhaps some of the character that person has might rub off on me and by association I can become a better person. Somone who will understand that my first marriage was a matter of convieniance and monitary gain... quick tangent: I was leaving for basic training and my roommate/bestfriend asked if instead of trying to move all my stuff out of the house (that we were renting in Los Angeles), trying to find someone who could take care of my cat and then both of us having to move due to my leaving... we go to Vegas and get a quicky marriage so I could get an extra $2000/month and then she would stay where we were. When I got back her grandfather loved me so much that he bribed us with a house to stay married. So we live in our house in Orange... free and clear. Since he past away last year... we no longer need to stay together. (WHAH! :O - This happened? And then you put in your profile?...  Really?)  I am about to deploy for 15 months to a lovely little hell-hole and I just thought I'd like to get to know someone for a future relationship rather than a friendship only situation with a good friend that we have nothing in common anymore. I want kids... she doesn't. I want to sell the house and move... travel, she wants to work 14 hours a day and stay in CA." (Say "hell-hole" one more time... I am sooo turned on.)

GOTTA LOVE LISTS!:

"I never thought I would attempt online dating, but I figured that anyone who is registered on this site is as serious about finding a long lasting relationship as I am.  To begin with, I don't drive a truck with a super-lift, I don't have a "bro" sticker on my back window, I am not covered in tattoos, I don't have a 3" goatee with a shaved head, and I don't own dirtbikes. Conversely, I don't drive a G35 or oversized SUV with a NOTW or Harvest Crusade sticker on the back window and I don't sell mortgage loans. I am just a normal guy with a great sense of humor who loves to make people laugh...if you don't get the humor in this paragraph, you have been tainted by Orange County."  (Haha, it's an either/or)

"As for my perfect match, let me start off by identifying the characteristics that I absolutely do not want:

1) Someone who talks to their ex boyfriends, or maintains ex boyfriends as friends. I don't talk to my ex and I expect the same from my match. ( What? I didn't know remaining peaceful was an offense)

2) Someone with "daddy" issues. If you don't have a good relationship with your father, how can you have one with any man? (Don't want to put anyone in a box or anything, even if your Dad WAS a killer-rapist)

3) A party girl. You are out of high school and in the real world as I am. I am looking for an adult, not someone with the mentality of a teenager. My experience has shown me that party girls are not serious about relationships. (What is this talk of partying? There will be no celebrations in MY relationship! There is no FUN in serious!) (Oh and by the way, in your list you forgot, "Someone who is"... or are party girls not even "someones?")

4) Someone who wants to wait five years before having children because they want to advance their career. If your career is more important to you than having a family, then your goals are different than mine. My career is not as important as my family, and it never will be. (I see your point there, dude.. things come as they do... but sometimes planning a secure career and having money for a home is important BECAUSE it's good for your family...  maybe?)

5) Someone who attends Saddleback Church. I believe in God, or at least a supreme being, but if you attend church, then pick a religion. Saddleback Church is not a religion, it is a cult!!! You cannot re-write the Bible and then call yourself a non-denominational church. If you have beliefs, then believe in them; don't sit on the fence hoping you have covered all of Christianity so you can get into heaven. (hahaha.. that makes Saddleback Church a cult?)

6) Someone who watches sports. I don't watch sports, nor do I follow them. (Cursed SPORTS!  I don't watch 'em either.. all those people cooperating in teams, people in the Olympics pushing the human limits, encouragements from fans, and patriotism... BAH HUMBUG! ) (Truly, I don't watch sports either, but at this point I don't want to agree with this douche bag =) )

If you do not fit into any of the six items above, than you just may be my perfect match. "  (SIGN ME UP! You sound like bunches of fun!)

LASTLY, I just want to say this next guy is NOT an idiot like the previous three... I think there must be a bit of a translation issue, it sounds like he possibly doesn't know the language well, but I wanted to include it 'cause it's still... well... funny:

"I slipped on the ice and now I am here. It happened December 28 in the year 2000 when I was working my way through a blizzard between the train station and my office in Stockholm, Sweden. As I was lying there in the air I made up my mind, I would move to California. In my childhood Bjorn Borg was the national tennis hero in Sweden and I started practicing to become a hero myself. It didn't happen but I still play. I also dreamt about building space craft and needed a fusion reactor. I could not understand why the scientists never succeeded to build one. Today I am one of those scientists. I have been very laid back and a dreamer before in my life. But I am also a fighter who likes a challenge and wants and will fight and fight and never ever give up for the right cause, for one that is doable and worthy. I have two sons. When we were younger we would sometimes wrestle. In this pile a funny sound would be squeezed out of the younger son.He then grew bigger than his older brother. I like almost anything from board games to extreme sports. I have been a marathon runner but I have the most fun when I am holding something and am chasing a ball to hit it with the something."

(I have no comments... just AWESOME!)

There are amazing things on the internet!

Adventures in Online Dating 2

Current mood: silly

For your amusement (and mine), I have posted a sampling of some of the creatures you'll find on Match.com:

Where else on earth would this guy...->

...be competing for women with this guy->

One more... Is this a man looking for a woman, or a woman looking for a man? I bet even you don't know. And if you think you do, I bet you're not SURE. :)

IF THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A FAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL

Ah, but keep in mind there are also these little tidbits and some in between:

Keep in mind, too, that you could find a near look-a-like of your EX, if you so wish:

(Seriously... he's a computer consultant, and a Libre as well)

Well, I hope you enjoyed this little trip down what could be my future memory lane... wish me luck

Adventures in Online Dating

Current mood: adventurous

So as most of you know, I have been a huge advocate for the idea of online dating ever since it has become popular.  I, however, have managed to be in long term relationships most of my young adult life, with little breaks here and there.  I figured this is as best a time as any to be fearless, experience what and who is out there, and just enjoy the freedoms I have at this current juncture in my life (singlehood).  I am pretty comfortable with who I am and know what I am looking for in a partner.  So with that in mind, I venture into the vast, unknown world of online dating.  I have no idea what to expect but you can be sure I will be blogging it all on here for all y'all.

My outlook is optimistic. Why not put your wish lists into the computer and let the higher powers determine and analyze the perfect matches for you.  It's just as good a method for meeting someone, if not better, than walking into a bar, hoping the cute guy at the end of the row has personality and the same values and direction in life as you do.  So you may have to do some weeding out of the players, and the Asperger's victims... but there are always the sex-hungry and the socially awkward at the dance clubs too.

So now is my lucky day, or should I say yours.  I will date for the experience, the stories, and for all of you who are too afraid to do it yourself and report back to you my very special findings.

My first discovery is that e-harmony though very thorough in it's matching is a huge waste of time and life.  I don't so much mind answering the 200 some odd questions, but when you are actually interested in someone you have to get through all these "layers" before you can even distinguish between your possible matches.

At the first layer, you can exchange questions you'd like them to answer picked from a list of premade questions with multiple choice answers.  Only problem with this is that I get the same freakin' answers from every guy I send them too, so how am I supposed to see a difference between anybody?  "If I had a bad day, what would you do for me?" Possible answers: A) rub your shoulders B) talk to you about your day C) make you dinner D) All of the above.  Every guy so far has said all of the above. Great, I'm glad I know that now.

By the time I have gotten through all the steps (sharing multiple choice questions, sharing must-haves/cant- stands, sharing non multiple choice questions) I dont even care to email the person 'cause I'm so tired of checking my account and getting useless information, and so bored by the process by this time that I don't even care to check in anymore.

Not to mention each member must create a list of must-haves and cant-stands in which you must check only 10 boxes of a list of about 30 possibilities for each list.   Included in the Cant-Stands possibilities are the following choices: "lying," "cheating," "poor hygene," "racist," "excessively overweight," and "mean-spirited." I don't know about anybody else, but why are those first four even listed as a choice? Aren't those somewhat mandatory when relating to another... Who would be just okay with a partner who lied to them, cheated on them, had poor hygene, or was racist... and I'd probably be leary of anyone who didn't list those, who chose to just let those negetive qualities just slllllliide. As long as they're not "petty" or "shy," yeah they can cheat on me.  Those are the real cant stands, "pettyness" and "shyness." ;).

Also, after all this, when I went through all my "matches" and found only a couple people I could maybe be attracted to physically, I pressed the button for "more matches," and the program scolded me!  It said something along the lines of "You may not be interested in them at first glance, but please take into account that according to our research these are the people you are most compatible with and will make you the most happy.   Take a real good look at your choices."  I wasn't being superficial. Physical attraction is going to be kind of important for lifelong love. I mean I'm going to need to want to have sex with this person, ever now and again, right? Use e-harmony if you are looking for companionship, I guess.

So anyway, I've given up on e-harmony which is sad, 'cause the idea of it was really genius to me originally.  On to Match.com